Mali and Crew

Mali had so many friends. She had friends from school and she had friends from Church and she had friends from social media.

Eden and Hannah are from Great Britain, Kendall and Julissa are from the United States. For years, these girls shared their lives via OoVoo, FaceTime, and Snapchat.

As teens, they shared theirs days at school, boys, interacting with other social media groups. This group of young women has asked to share their story of their relationships with Mali and their struggles since she died.

On Mali and her suicide

written by Hannah, Eden, Julissa and Kendall  

Our group chat usually wasn’t good with new people as they saw how close we all already were and felt left out.

Mali however, was the only person who we added that stayed and instantly just fitted in.

It got to a point where we would speak everyday and create so many amazing memories and traditions.

We made a pact to oovoo every New Year’s Eve until it was midnight my time (GB time) and theirs (although i usually fell asleep) and kept that up for 2 years.

We would make up fake celebrity identities and join random group chats.  She would be Paula Deen and I was Kanye West.

Sometimes when we would join random chats we would jokingly roast, and the other groups would do the same.

Every birthday, holiday and summer spent together was filled with so much adventure.

Every oovoo she’d grumble about having to do the dishes and tell me she would be right back for literally twenty minutes. I heard her break every dish in the sink.

Despite being countries apart it always felt like we had known each other for years. We were best friends.

I remember Kendall being in South Dakota and the two of them didn’t think they could meet. When I woke up, I found out they had met.  I literally screamed and cried because I was so happy because we never thought it would happen. We all made a plan to meet in Minneapolis next year.
I never thought this would happen. The days leading up to her death were filled with jokes and her amazing sense of humour, “so Selfridges don’t sell fridges?”. That was our Mali that was her in her element.  I thought everything was okay.
One of her friends messaged Kendall two weeks after her death asking if we had heard what happened. We hadn’t. She had been quiet but we all were, it was exam season for us all and we had been so overwhelmed.

The last message I sent read I love you and I’m always here but I wasn’t. Not enough. Kendall called me which she never does and she just cried. She didn’t need to say much after that because I knew she had killed herself.

I thought she must be in hospital while the doctors fix her then give her help, proper help this time.

Eden
I knew I needed to be strong and call the others, I took the responsibility on myself I couldn’t hurt Kendall like that. No crying I said. Be strong. I get Hannah’s inappropriately timed voice mail, this isn’t something I can say over voice mail though. I call her back and she answers. No crying I say.

I barely got a word out before I broke. My Mali, our Mali. She’s silent for a while just listening to me trying to pull myself together.

I had always felt this protective nature over the girls as I was the eldest. She called me Mother E, yet I spend everyday wondering why I couldn’t have truly nurtured her despite the signs.

The signs were there. We were too wrapped up in our own selfish lives to see them.

I had to drag myself to college and sit through lessons that I was not mentally stable enough to focus in.

I felt guilty for smiling or for laughing, for a lot of things. I was worried about my girls, my amazing girls who are so full of potential. We were world’s apart I couldn’t save them from here…I couldn’t save her.

Our quartet is now a trio and God it is so lonely because although most of us never met, no one will understand the bond that we had.

How do i keep going when the worst thing has happened? I write diaries, I send her messages, I wander aimlessly around her profile, I lie awake staring at the ceiling.

I do everything in my power to keep her alive. But when she went I feel like a large chunk of me went with her…I dread New Year’s Eve.

Julissa

Mali came into our groupchat while I was on vacation.  Everyone was really excited but, I was quiet.  Everyone thought I was upset and didn’t like the fact that someone had joined.  To be completely honest I was very happy and hopeful this new member would actually last because in our chats no one lasted.

Since the beginning Mali was wild just like us. We loved it! We finally found a keeper she suited the group sooo well!!!

Every time we were going to video chat Mali was always one of the first to say yes and that she was available.  I’d be bummed out on occasion because I’d be busy and I couldn’t video chat.

Mali was always so loud and she didn’t care.  She spoke her mind and she was always there for us.  It hurts because I WASNT THERE FOR HER when she was hurting.

I had no clue she was in so much pain. I had spoke to her 2 days before she died. She read my essay for my senior project. She was so proud and thought My essay was amazing and that I was going to get a good grade.  Little does she know, I scored really low. I remember texting her that Monday after she had died.  We were clueless about her suicide. I let her know how bad I did.

When her friend broke us the news I was the last one to find out because of time differences.

I woke up to missed calls and a bunch of text messages. I was in denial.  I didn’t know what to do, or who to call.

I felt like a piece of me was gone. Mali was a huge part of my life and she deserved soooo much more but, I guess these were the cards she was given. Wherever you are Mali, I hope you are doing well and that you’re finally at peace.  I miss you sooo much more and more everyday. They say that time heals but to be completely honest, as time goes on, I feel even more and more heart broken and sad about the situation.

I never told anyone but I have a rose that sits beside my bed on the window from and it’s dedicated to you.  I got them for my graduation and I know when I was walking across that stage you walked it with me.  I still sometimes cannot believe this is true.  I hope you will watch over the group and Mali, wherever you are FLY HIGH ANGEL WE MISS YOU DEARLY.
– forever Ju ❤

Hannah

Chloe joined the group on 9th June, 2016.  She knew Mali for just under a year. That time was special. Mali was special. She would be there for everyone.

None of us actually realised how much she needed us. That’s the saddest part. We all are so grateful for the time we knew Mali because she made our lives the happiest even at the hardest times.

Now we’re one less short of our group, things changed a lot like how much we talk, the conversations we have etc… We’re all going to get through it, each in our different ways and come out the closest we’ve ever been for Mali. She would’ve wanted that for sure.

Mali was definitely one of a kind. I knew no one like her. The day I found out it was before first period. I received a call from Eden. She was upset and I knew something was wrong.

She never called me unless it was an Oovoo or Facetime request. She spit out the words “Mali killed herself.”.

At first I thought she was joking because we pull jokes a lot. I knew this wasn’t a joke.  I still asked for that slight chance. Once I realized that she was serious I told her I’ll deal with it at lunch.

I had a huge test in 1st period and I couldn’t be distracted. I walked to first period in disbelief. Our Mali wouldn’t do that. At least that’s what i thought. I sat down and started bawling my eyes out. I walked out of the classroom to the bathroom and ran into a friend.

She took me to the counselor. My counselor thought it was all fake because of how far I was from Mali and there’s no way I would know for sure if this was true

I went the rest of my day going through classes, crying. I cried in every class. There was no way I was gonna be able to not cry.

I had a play that night. My teacher, and director dedicated the show to her that night. I told him I don’t know if I was gonna be able to do it. He told me that I should imagine she’s in the crowd watching me, she would want me to do my best. I went on stage and went on like everything was okay but I wasn’t just playing a role, I was hiding every emotion.

Everyday gets harder but I know she’s somewhere, happy as can be. Mali was crazy, loving, and helpful.

One day I was craving peanut butter so she went out of her way to make a video of her sending me peanut butter.

She didn’t actually send it but it was the thought that counts. Mali, Eden, and I would Oovoo every New Year’s eve. We had nothing better do it. We did it for two years straight, and man it was one heck of a time. I went out and bought streamers and party hats. I was the only one who went all out but I’m really festive.

I’ll never forget roasting people on Kik, watching her and Julissa become unicorns on video chat, and everything else that made Mali so unique.

We would make up nicknames for each other. Kendall is Kendlal, Mali is Malia and Malaria, Eden is Mother E, Julissa is Ju, and I, Hannah is Han.

I am honored to call Mali one of my best friends even though we are miles apart. Just because someone is states, oceans, or countries away doesn’t mean they can’t become best friends. Thank you for being my best friend for two years. I’ll never forget you Mali ❤. – han