There are so many days that I struggle to get out of bed, get dressed, feed my dogs and fish and go to work. The last month I have managed, sometimes not so gracefully to do this everyday.

I wish I could say everyday gets a little better. It doesn’t. This has been, by far, the longest uphill hike I’ve ever done.  Frankly I’d rather hide in my room and ruminate on Mali.

I think I have said this so much I’ve sickened myself to death with it.

There are so many things a person can do to deal with grief. You can take the therapy/psychiatry route and dope that shit up. You can take the physical route and exercise your demons away.  The ice cream route doesn’t sound too bad sometimes if I could eat like I enjoyed it. How about boozing the pain away?

Is grief something that needs to be dealt with?  Isn’t grief part of the human experience?  At one point or another, each of us will lose someone close to us. A friend, parents, siblings, your child. It is heartbreaking and raw.

I have heard many people dismiss their own experiences with loss in deferrance to my losing my child. In examining this I think all loss is painful and one type is no more painful than the other.

Is it how we grow from the experience that matters?  Is the amount of tears we produce what matters?  Is the pain in our hearts and how deeply we feel it more important than someone else’s experience?

I am going venture a guess and say no.  It all blows.

I will never forget my ducky princess.  Her big beautiful brown eyes and her amazingly wide smile always brings a smile and tears to my face.

The fact that she is gone is still unreal. If I could give her a rez or trade places with her I would gladly.

I hope you will wait for me on the other side sweetheart. I can’t wait to be with you again.

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