Things that were

A multitude of days have gone by since Mali has left us. Reflecting back on where I have been in the last 5 months looks like a desert and I have managed to make a deep hole right where I stopped since that terrible day on April 8th.

God has blessed me with life and I have kept my eyes closed to it. I have preferred the capsule of despair instead of life moving by me, digging in a little deeper each time someone tries to compel me to join the living again.

How long does grief last?  In a nutshell it’s a lifelong process that each of us must endure alone. It’s a cross we carry.  If we allow it someone is always there to help carry when we grow weary from the weight. How blessed is that?  All those angels that were put on earth that keep coming back to see if I am ready yet.

The person I used to be is gone. She died right along with that precious, sweet girl this past spring. In its place, a new person.  A shell ready to develop into someone else. The basics are still there along with the memories of the almost 15 years I had the privilege of being Her mother.

So, a second chance is given to move on without her.  I know I have to get out of this hole and put the sand over what was hers and I hate the thought of it. The only consolation is, whenever I am ready, that opportunity to move forward is waiting for me.

The sun is shining today.  Fall has begun to set in and maybe today, I can set aside the things that were and for the day join the living again.


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